Other People's Memoirs



My sons and myself

 For years I have been fascinated by autobiography, biography and memoir. I've contemplated writing in each format, and my life has certainly been filled with suitable characters and incidents, but my writing skill..? Other people's lives emerge from the pages like a Hollywood movie capturing me with the sights, sounds and smells of each event in every word. When I put pen to paper the words lie flat and trite on the page, like an out of focus black and white print from my youth.

My life has certainly not been boring! I have been blessed and cursed with my fair share of challenges, adventures, and moments of pure joy. I have witnessed a lot of history - world and personal. I have experienced the results of my folly and gained more than a snippet of common sense and wisdom over the years. The problem is that I don't seem to have the confidence to put it in writing even for my own amazement.

At present I am reading Robert Leleux's family memoir "The Living End" it is torturous and funny, reminiscent in places of my own journey and so far from anything I could imagine in other parts. I haven't tried to critique it because it might spoil the experience - I only know it has captured my heart. I would love the opportunity to spend an afternoon with the author. I don't often feel that way!

I began reading the book because I spend a good part of each day with elders and their families who are making their way through the maze of dementia and Alzheimer's. Each day brings a degree of apprehension because the one they love is disappearing and a new person is developing. We tend to see this in negative terms, as loss and not gain, but Robert Leleux offers a fresh perspective, realistic but hopeful. He allows for the fact that what is happening to his beloved grandmother is not necessarily as bleak as we often make it, but that for her at least, there is an unexpected freedom of spirit.

I am grateful for writers who allow me a peak at a different reality because they are willing to be vulnerable and write what they know and feel with honesty and integrity.

Caught

It's been awhile since I found time to blog. My resolve to record some of my thoughts on my journey to 70 (October 2010) gets railroaded quite often. I have been doing some daily journal writing, weather, diet, "busy notes" but nothing substantial.

Memoir has been on my mind and I have been reading Natalie Goldberg, Peter Gilmour and William Zinsser, they have been helpful in providing focus. I am becoming clearer about what is needed to begin to answer the questions my son posed for me. I don't think I realized however, that I would be delving so deeply into relationship. I think I viewed the task more as recording stories from the past and vignettes of relatives. I now see that answering the question "Why did you leave home?" demands revelation of me and my relationship with my mother - do I want to go there? Caught! Caught in a story that spans my life and one I have not been willing to explore. Is this the year? Certainly it is no easy assignment.

Time to change the subject; January was a beautiful month, if harsh. The Wolf Moon and three days of amazing hoar-frost clothed the landscape exquisitely. I penned a couple more Haikus, and am really interested in finding time to learn more about this form.

Time seems to be the issue at the core of my life…I must make it my friend!

Wolf Moon
Wolf moon setting
In morning’s wakening sky
Makes way for sunlight

Hoar-Frost

Bent barren branches
radiant with hoar frost thorns
beneath leaden skies

UNRAVEL

Unravel, according to Webster's dictionary means to: "separate threads, or solve a mystery",both apt descriptions for today's blog.

Early in the New Year my son invited me to share with him (and in turn my grandchildren) what I thought I had inherited from my parents. This is a challenging, complicated and curious question. I have probably spent most of my life, in one way or another trying not to be my parents. A casual glance at my life would illustrate more differences than similarities, a deeper look...we shall see!


A couple of years ago I knit my husband a sweater. It was one of those projects that began simply and developed a life of its own. My husband chose the yarn, a deep teal (the photo doesn't reflect its true color) 100% mercerized cotton made in Greece, he had a vision for the kind of sweater he wanted and I searched for a pattern. The first pattern I tried didn't do the yarn justice, the second created a "hand" like iron; the third using half-linen stitch seemed perfect. At one point in the knitting, it lay by the side of my chair approximately half finished when in answering the phone I dumped onto it a full bowl of mushroom soup. The washing and drying was not satisfactory, I "unraveled" and began again! In time I finished the sweater and my husband tried it on, he decided the neckline wasn't comfortable, I "unraveled" and refashioned it. At times when I left the knitting for a period, because work took precedence, I came back and found errors and redoes were required. From the beginning I was not happy with the sweater, but my husband loved it and wore it with affection. Every time he put it on I could see all the places I stopped and started, small flaws became magnified until a few days ago I decided to unravel the sweater and start again.

As I began to unravel the sweater I discovered new problems. The sweater was very well constructed and with knitted seams connecting front to back, and along the sleeve seams, it is proving to be a challenge. On reflection this unraveling project dovetails with the questions my son raised in relation to what I inherited from my parents. It has become a metaphor for the task ahead of me. Over the years I have knit a life for myself, I have worn it like my husband wore his sweater,  with love and affection. Aware of its imperfection and flaws I have at times made corrections, removed the spills, and stitched it tightly together. Now I have been invited to look at it more closely and I see that in order to answer my son's questions I must "unravel" ; separate the threads solve the mystery...it will take time.