Confused

I have been away from this Blog for awhile and I know before leaving I updated the new system. On my return I find the new system to be confusing. he tool bar doesn't give me all my options and I have to guess about some simple choices - where to choose font, color, size etc. I find no place that allows "insert" for a picture. Bloggers out there can you help me with this - the Blogspot help page was less than useful? I came here really wanting to get back in the groove, but at this point I think I might just close the Blog and move to another Blogging format with another provider. My time is valuable and I don't want to have reivent the wheel or be re-educated every time I return to post! Sorry if I sdound crabby I'm not just frustrated. I am going to post and see what happens. Have a great day friends and I will continue to look for a solution.

CHANGE

Change is all around us and for the most part I think it is good. Some days change frustrates me, and yesterday was such a day. I had a few spare minutes and thought I would come and blog, I am trying to be more consistent. When I came to my page I was informed that I need to choose Goggle Chrome as my web browser, very annoying. It took time for it to load, and I had others things to do and never did get to post. 


I don't object to change when it really improve things, and maybe this will I haven't had time to check it out yet. I find, however too often these days, the reason for change is simply to change. To keep people checking for something new, or to force people to use programs, and items they wouldn't otherwise use. So when I have time I look forward to discovering how the "new look" improves and aids me in my blogging.


I have been trying without success, to be more consistent in my blogging. I have a lot of ideas I would like to share with my readers, and I would like to expand my readers so that I can have some interaction with them on some of my reflections. It seems as if the "reason for change" might be one of them.


I work every day with the elderly and their families and I realize the many questions and decisions that need to be made by all of us as we progress toward that stage of life. From the best way to invest money for retirement, choose a retirement community, and how to accept the decisions our elderly parents make for their life, health and death issues. Then there is the matter of downsizing, reducing clutter, and living simply that others might simply live.


I have my own issues as I move into the "wise woman" category. What does it mean to embrace this new stage in life, what emphasis do I place on the outer and the inner manifestations of this stage?


If that is not sufficient, I continue my research and am trying to gather into a whole my work on people, communities and institutions that reinvent themselves. As you can tell my mind doesn't slow down much, and add to that my work and family time and like everyone else on this planet twenty four hours whirls by! 


I didn't mean to gripe in this blog but I seems to have done so, and so I apologize, but my mind is a little clearer now that it is out there. Amazing how a simple change can send a person into orbit. So much for my daily "mindfulness" approach to life - peace of mind, and living in the moment are hard to maintain. Shalom friends, thanks for listening.  

MorningLight

I sit in the morning light sipping coffee and wondering what the day will bring. I am not by nature a morning person but entering the world before dawn is gift. When I wake up early and settle myself in my chair, or step out on the balcony for a fresh breath of morning air I feel alive. I experience the bliss of solitude. The day will begin all too quickly and the opportunity to feel my oneness with the universe will be lost in the requests of the many.

I treasure time for reflection, but it is rarely available. I realize however much I may claim otherwise, it is mainly because I don't guard the opportunities offered me.  I have tried to understand why this is. The pull of the world around always seems to attract my attention even though I claim a desire for solitude. Why is that I choose the marketplace over the desert?


It is no doubt my ego that thrust me into the swirl and tumble of daily activity. A sense of self importance that believes I need to be talking, acting, doing for the good of humanity. Surely my contribution to society will make the world a better place? It just might be that my withdrawal might contribute something of more value. If I took the time to quiet my spirit I might be better able to listen and intuit the true needs of those around me.


For years I have pursued the theme of the "empty bowl" after hearing the Zen "Overflowing Tea" story. I resemble the university professor who came to the Master Nan-in seeking wisdom, but was too full of himself to receive anything from the great Master. I have reflected on the willingness of  the monk to live each day  on whatever others might place into the begging bowl  and accept that what is received is enough.


Everyday my bowl is filled to overflowing with the blessings that are poured into my life of word and action. I have an abundance of truth and wisdom and life's teaching laid at my feet everyday and still I am not satisfied, I continue to look for more. My cup is overflowing and I have not yet learned to empty myself so that I can be filled.


When I rise early in the morning I know what it is to welcome the world as an "empty bowl" but in just a few seconds I filled it to overflowing. Maybe today I will leave space for the gifts of others.

INTERRUPTIONS

I started out really well when I came back to blogging but life has again taken over. Today was much busier than I had planned. I was finishing a power point project for tomorrow and thought I would have time over. I had an unexpected visitor, one I was very glad to see, but that changed the  rhythm of my day. I have trouble adjusting to interruptions, even pleasant ones, and wonder how I ever brought up a family and worked full time as a pastor.

The problem with interruptions is the reason I find it difficult to write or even find time for blogging, because I want to make sure I have a block of time in which I am not disturbed. At present I am sitting in my husband's music office, no one knows I am here and he won't return for another 25 minutes!

I remember being amazed when I read in a review by Madeleine L'Engle years ago that she wrote at the kitchen table, in the hospital while her husband was sick, and virtually any place she found herself. Her power of concentration must have been tremendous! On the other hand Maya Angelou says she has a separate quiet space to write as did May Sarton. We are all different and must find our own style, and our own voice.

I'd be interested to hear how any one who reads my blog deals with interruptions.

Other People's Memoirs



My sons and myself

 For years I have been fascinated by autobiography, biography and memoir. I've contemplated writing in each format, and my life has certainly been filled with suitable characters and incidents, but my writing skill..? Other people's lives emerge from the pages like a Hollywood movie capturing me with the sights, sounds and smells of each event in every word. When I put pen to paper the words lie flat and trite on the page, like an out of focus black and white print from my youth.

My life has certainly not been boring! I have been blessed and cursed with my fair share of challenges, adventures, and moments of pure joy. I have witnessed a lot of history - world and personal. I have experienced the results of my folly and gained more than a snippet of common sense and wisdom over the years. The problem is that I don't seem to have the confidence to put it in writing even for my own amazement.

At present I am reading Robert Leleux's family memoir "The Living End" it is torturous and funny, reminiscent in places of my own journey and so far from anything I could imagine in other parts. I haven't tried to critique it because it might spoil the experience - I only know it has captured my heart. I would love the opportunity to spend an afternoon with the author. I don't often feel that way!

I began reading the book because I spend a good part of each day with elders and their families who are making their way through the maze of dementia and Alzheimer's. Each day brings a degree of apprehension because the one they love is disappearing and a new person is developing. We tend to see this in negative terms, as loss and not gain, but Robert Leleux offers a fresh perspective, realistic but hopeful. He allows for the fact that what is happening to his beloved grandmother is not necessarily as bleak as we often make it, but that for her at least, there is an unexpected freedom of spirit.

I am grateful for writers who allow me a peak at a different reality because they are willing to be vulnerable and write what they know and feel with honesty and integrity.

Lent - I'm back blogging

When I decided to begin blogging again I couldn't believe that my last Blog was in 2010. Where did the last year go?

I have no reason to believe that anyone who read my blog in the past will be mildly interested in anything I have to say at this point! I will however follow my desire to write again. If anyone reads and responds I will be delighted, if not I will at least have begun the process.

What kept me from this page was life - and death! 2011 presented a great many challenges with a busy work schedule and a busy life. Working with those who are dying and their families enriched my life but ate up my free time. While serving as chaplain in my own facility I began working with Hospice while they sought a new chaplain. It didn't seem I would be adding much to my schedule, and in some ways I didn't, but I did find my focus was directed in ways other than my own personal pursuits. Life now has settled into a slightly more balanced cycle and thus I hope to spend some time on personal reflection and comment.

The photo above is from the trip we had to Gethsemani Abbey, Kentucky in 2010 it seemed a suitable image with which to begin my Lenten journey. As J. Philip Newell says "From God we came to God we shall return" words I find comforting since my personal journey through life has zig-zagged along many a varied path. Some of those paths I am sure were not sanctioned by God, but that in God's mercy I survived and my feet returned sometimes hesitantly and sometimes thankfully to the path. In a way returning to the blank page feels much like placing my feet back on the path, what lies before me is unknown and I will relish what opens up before me.

So far the first steps on the path of Lent this year have been a failure in terms of the lofty plans and disciplines I had designed for myself. Humbling but exhilarating I am aware that forgiving myself and getting back on a simpler path is all I need for the moment. In the past I would have beaten up on myself and focused on the ways in which I sabotaged my life, at this point I can say "O Wise One - so what did you learn?" This week I will be more gentle with myself and I guess that given past experience the journey will be be more fruitful.

The following Haiku is about a stone I picked up on one of my walks. It sits amidst my collection of stones. I choose this as another symbol for my journey.

                  A promise hidden

                  Journey stone, humbly received

                  White, smooth, gently held.

May I receive my Lenten Path as gift.